Gimme A Break

So I may go on antidepressants. I really didn't want to originally but I've been with my therapist for a while now and we both were going to suggest it because I've been having so much trouble just functioning lately. She left me a message today saying she also has some other suggestions that we'll discuss this week. I think antidepressants may be the way to go temporarily, though. At least until we can deal with some of the causes rather than the symptoms and I feel more capable of being an actual human being.

For the moment, though, my ability to interact with people is practically gone. I perceive almost everything as people not wanting to be around me. I get exhausted just trying to make conversation. I have to escape to a corner by myself or to my room if people are talking about something I don't care about or don't want to hear about anymore. I'm paranoid. I'm overly sensitive. I'm scared and shut down and reclusive.

Not entirely new, certainly, but now I don't have RP to fall back on to keep me company. So I end up just being really lonely and getting absolutely no social interaction.

But school is almost over and soon I'll go home for two weeks and hopefully recharge. I hope my cousin isn't there. But he will be. That will make recharging harder. And then when I get back, a job and maybe antidepressants and some free time that won't necessarily be haunted by 'I have to memorize that scene for Tuesday'.

I feel that I used to be so easily social. I don't know when that stopped or why. I didn't even notice it.

Being Vanessa is so much work.